Many times it is hard to clean the anus after fecal secretion on the toilet. All times it hurts Holy Mother Earth Spirit to flush Holy Tree Paper down the toilet. Many times it is hard on the arms to wipe until cleanliness like Holy Mother Goddessliness. Many times it is hard to find time in long days filled with work and spiritual alignment to exercise on your bike.
That is why you must invest your available funds on one of these machines:
1) You must sit on the toilet bowl
2) You must reposition the paper away from your anus
3) Make sure to do number 2
4) Hazards of not doing number 2:
a) Chakra anger
b) toilet paper breakage
5) After you are fully released of evil spirits, reposition toilet paper into anus
6) Pedal with vigor until evil spirit fecal stain is no longer visible on toilet paper
7) Do not pedal backwards!
8) When toilet tree paper is all brown with spirit stain, take it off and throw into trash receptacle can
You save your hand energy! You save Mother Earth Nature by not clogging sewer and Holy Refreshment Water with dirty paper! You make your Chakras happy!
Now: Stand up and walk proud of life full of enjoyment, ease, activity, and spiritual Oneness!